Melancholy Blues

3 hrs/9 miles...*

This gives an approximate idea of the walk my charming companion and I took today. Around the Back Bay, over to the Eastern Prom trail, down Commercial and Danford St to the Western Prom, behind MMC to the baseball field and then onto Deering Ave...

Today was totally one of the days that gives everyone a reason to love early spring. While I lack the vocabulary to describe it, it was one of those days with spotless blue skies, water of the deepest blue, warm breeze, and people, people, people everywhere, with kids and dogs, smiling and nodding at each other. Needless to say my buddy made a bunch of new friends and on the Eastern Prom Beach even managed to scare a specimen three times his size. Proudly, he walked away to stumble upon a husky, which I am afraid might have brought some not so happy memories in his little head because he carefully avoided any confrontation. We walked on to the rocks and picked up a couple of stones I intend to use for buttons on my Wookiee bag. We saw the Narrow Gauge train with its three passengers which was sort of lame.

Portland is truly an odd concoction of urban and... provincial, I guess. While the downtown district feels like a big city, with the shops and restaurants, coffee houses, business buildings, sirens, and tourists, it also has these quiet neighbourhoods (like the one we live in) that make you think of mid-class suburban hell and ALF. And then it has the gorgeous residences of the Western Prom, overlooking the crappiness of Saint John St. If you choose to go down from the Western Prom park, behind MMC, it is literally a plunge in that crappiness, you walk down a hundred meters and it's like you're in a different country. And in a way you are. This is not the old commie in me speaking, just an observation.

Most of the time I was listening to my iPod although sometimes it's better not to.

The White Stripes' Jolene breaks my heart. I don't feel like myself, haven't felt for a while now. All the forces factoring in my life right now, the fact that I have no power over those forces, that knocked me off my feet. And it's not the forces influencing everyone such as the economy, the gas prices, politics and so on. But forces that have direct influence over my life, my happiness and the future of my family. The fact that there's nothing I can do about it, that it's all in some faceless bureaucrat's hands, that kills me. I now that as long as it depends on me, I can focus and invest a sizable effort into achieving certain goals. But when it doesn't depend on me even the tiniest little bit, what do I do? Wait?

Wait.

It was a good day overall and while there are many things and people I miss right now, I would have been completely happy if one of them had spent today with me. Today's not over yet, though. So, I'll take a hot shower, wrap myself in a blanket to read for a bit a book of short stories written by our landlord, and wait.


* I also went to the store, so add at least one more mile to that.