Don't explain to me why it wouldn't work…
Ugh, I used to hear something of the sort from my father all the time. Every time he would give me an advice and I would try to tell him of all thousand and one reasons I thought it couldn't work for. That was his response after which I'd usually storm out of the room and… do exactly what he told me.
I am very much a worry-er. I cannot sleep when thinking of the problems in my life. I have panic attacks. I mumble to myself (in an odd concoction of Bulgarian and English). I sigh and walk around in circles.
But, I am very much my father's daughter, and I am very much a warrior. After panicking and all that jazz, I sit down and find out how to deal with the problem. And move on.
Story time (Problems vs. Solutions)
Problem
When NASA began the launch of astronauts into space, they found out that the pens wouldn't work at zero gravity (ink won't flow down to the writing surface).
Solution A
In order to solve this problem, it took them one decade and $12 million. They developed a pen that worked at zero gravity, upside down, underwater, in practically any surface including crystal and in a temperature range from below freezing to over 300 degrees
Solution B
And what did Russians do?? The Russians used a Pencil!!! *
I've heard the story before from my dear husband but reading it like this (with the nice little conclusion on that site, namely: think simple, focus on the solution, not the problem) struck me with its clarity. I am a firm believer in acting and bringing in good in our lives instead of sitting around and waiting for the bad to happen. And then happen again. And again… it piles up like bad credit.
I have stumbled upon the basic concept that "life sucks" or better put by some '90s poet "I hate myself and I want to die" (heh)... the concept that bad comes naturally in life. But that somehow doesn't ring true in my ears. Only randomness is natural. Things happen, good and bad. But we're also given the opportunity, by birth, to influence our lives, more or less. Not that we're all that powerful, not that we could fight randomness (navigate it… just a thought)… Just most of the problems we're dealing with are not that bad. We focus so much on them, we sort of succumb into them and forget to look for the solution.
I am also not saying that solutions are always simple or easy, no… But I don't recall being promised a simple and easy life at any point. It's just life. It is a battle. It could be sweet, it could be bitter. But way better then nothing.
I am done.
* On a side note: yes, Americans won the Cold War, and yes, that happened because communism is crippling to any country, even one rich with resources of all kinds as Russia. Americans had more money, Americans won. But, maybe the deficiency of money helped the Russians come up with such a simple solution; they had nothing to invest in the research of the kind Americans conducted).
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Saturday, February 10, 2007
Seven Seas of Rhye
It'll be 2 months soon since we got married. It's still a novelty, it's still exciting, it's still surprising. I never used to think of marriage. I mean, not that I have ever been actively against marriage as an institution, I just never used to think of it. In any sort of relationship, I never cast my thought beyond what was happening at the moment. I never as a little girl dreamt of a wedding day with all the… fuss… I don't really know what's going down on a normal wedding day as I have been present at only one wedding and I only remember it was a pretty good party.
So back in the day, when things were good, we joked with the idea from time to time (of me being finally made an honest woman), but the fact of the matter was, we were together, we loved each other, if I dared look forward and dream, we'd have been together forever. But marriage, it's too much of a bother to just have the very day of wedding. And we were lazy. And it was too soon. So… that was that.
Some broken dreams, tears, thinking, more tears (all me, whiny and weepy), built-again dreams, and a six-pack of Black Fly Stout (we didn't drink it ourselves, mind you) later I became... I was made an honest woman. And… and it's like nothing I have ever imagined before.
People say you don't need to validate love by signing a piece of paper, it's just a legal procedure… Yeah… But boy, do I feel different! It's really hard to explain but it seems like there's been a tiny little romantic buried deep in me that lifted her head and started speaking at that "I do" moment. Started feeling, too. My love for my husband has not grown less intense, less passionate, or more mature, at least not yet. But the feeling that I am not alone anymore, that I belong to an entity different than my own person, bigger and better than it, that's new. The feeling that there's someone that's more dear to my heart than I myself am, that's new. The desire and will to take care of someone else and their comfort and peace of mind, and be taken care of back, that's new.
Yes, I have a family back home, and I love and respect them immensely. But that family is my roots, it's where I start. My new family, my husband and I, that's the future.
So, yeah, things change after marriage. Or at least they changed for me. But I love it. Also, we have the best wedding story ever.
So back in the day, when things were good, we joked with the idea from time to time (of me being finally made an honest woman), but the fact of the matter was, we were together, we loved each other, if I dared look forward and dream, we'd have been together forever. But marriage, it's too much of a bother to just have the very day of wedding. And we were lazy. And it was too soon. So… that was that.
Some broken dreams, tears, thinking, more tears (all me, whiny and weepy), built-again dreams, and a six-pack of Black Fly Stout (we didn't drink it ourselves, mind you) later I became... I was made an honest woman. And… and it's like nothing I have ever imagined before.
People say you don't need to validate love by signing a piece of paper, it's just a legal procedure… Yeah… But boy, do I feel different! It's really hard to explain but it seems like there's been a tiny little romantic buried deep in me that lifted her head and started speaking at that "I do" moment. Started feeling, too. My love for my husband has not grown less intense, less passionate, or more mature, at least not yet. But the feeling that I am not alone anymore, that I belong to an entity different than my own person, bigger and better than it, that's new. The feeling that there's someone that's more dear to my heart than I myself am, that's new. The desire and will to take care of someone else and their comfort and peace of mind, and be taken care of back, that's new.
Yes, I have a family back home, and I love and respect them immensely. But that family is my roots, it's where I start. My new family, my husband and I, that's the future.
So, yeah, things change after marriage. Or at least they changed for me. But I love it. Also, we have the best wedding story ever.
Monday, November 27, 2006
We… we belong together*
My home country, here. Some random facts off the top (or bottom) of my head**. Bulgaria:
-Was founded as a state in 681 by a barbaric tribe coming from the Caucasus region (roughly) on the territory of a Byzantine province populated by some Slavic tribes. Eventually, the Bolgars were engulfed by the Slavs leaving a gene of atrocity and bloodthirstiness, which made for good soldiers and... uhh... chess players? I don't know... The Slavs on the other hand left behind beauty and cowardice... which made for nothing.
-Became Christian in 864 and balanced between Catholicism and Eastern Orthodox Christianity for quite a while; some limited groups accepted Islam between 14th and 19th century; 20th century communism largely wiped out all religions. All in all, religion has always been a matter of politics and survival and that's all I have to say of it.
-Had it's army fully destroyed by the Boulgaroktonos who captured and blinded 15,000 men leaving one one-eyed per every one hundred to lead the way back home. Sweet times, those Middle Ages. There was a vengeance though, due to the Romaioktonos who... oh well, killed a lot of Greeks. Obviously.
-Spent about five centuries in slavery, according to our books, and as a province, according to Turkish historians, of the Ottoman Empire. Fun times documented in countless historical records, fiction works, folklore songs, tales, and legends. Modern day historians are a tiny little bit suspicious of the credibility of the afore mentioned sources. Eh. History is also a matter of politics.
-Has always been better in war than in politics and diplomacy. For example, was an ally of Germany in WWII.
-Went through 45 years of communism. Which was and wasn't as scary, miserable and despicable as reflected in James Bond books/movies and whatever other sources of information people around here had. All I remember is that I had an awesome childhood marked by almost complete freedom from any restrictions and fears†. My parents – not so much. The reason it sucked was that communism practically reversed everything that is natural to people as well as what Western civilization has established as rules and laws of democracy. Namely, in communism people were said to have been created the same, in terms of abilities, talents and intelligence, but in front of the law… well, some were more equal than others (go read your Orwell if you don't get this one).
-NO, WAS NOT A PART OF THE SOVIET UNION. Assholes.
-Is to become part of EU. Blah. Politics.
-Since the fall of communism has seen the encounter of a Wild West lawlessness with the free market of Adam Smith with bureaucracy of a very non-Weberian type (as if it exists anyway). We saw the rise of Christian democrats (HA!), the shameless revival of the socialists, and the birth of grass-roots neo-fascism mixed with the obscenity of populism.
-Has a large gypsy population. And none of them looks like Brad Pitt. No. They look like Borat's fellow villagers.
-Was the place where my family, while having their morning coffee, watched a man getting shot, across the street from the building they live in. Also, my father was recently given a laptop for repair with a bullet in the monitor. He was ecstatic.
-Has a bacterium named after it.
For the rest, why, check CIA's factbook.
* It's mostly song titles that come to my mind when I think of the blog title. I don't know, cannot think of anything original. But it makes sense in my head...
**Really random. Incomplete. Irrelevant.
† But for Ronald Reagan
-Was founded as a state in 681 by a barbaric tribe coming from the Caucasus region (roughly) on the territory of a Byzantine province populated by some Slavic tribes. Eventually, the Bolgars were engulfed by the Slavs leaving a gene of atrocity and bloodthirstiness, which made for good soldiers and... uhh... chess players? I don't know... The Slavs on the other hand left behind beauty and cowardice... which made for nothing.
-Became Christian in 864 and balanced between Catholicism and Eastern Orthodox Christianity for quite a while; some limited groups accepted Islam between 14th and 19th century; 20th century communism largely wiped out all religions. All in all, religion has always been a matter of politics and survival and that's all I have to say of it.
-Had it's army fully destroyed by the Boulgaroktonos who captured and blinded 15,000 men leaving one one-eyed per every one hundred to lead the way back home. Sweet times, those Middle Ages. There was a vengeance though, due to the Romaioktonos who... oh well, killed a lot of Greeks. Obviously.
-Spent about five centuries in slavery, according to our books, and as a province, according to Turkish historians, of the Ottoman Empire. Fun times documented in countless historical records, fiction works, folklore songs, tales, and legends. Modern day historians are a tiny little bit suspicious of the credibility of the afore mentioned sources. Eh. History is also a matter of politics.
-Has always been better in war than in politics and diplomacy. For example, was an ally of Germany in WWII.
-Went through 45 years of communism. Which was and wasn't as scary, miserable and despicable as reflected in James Bond books/movies and whatever other sources of information people around here had. All I remember is that I had an awesome childhood marked by almost complete freedom from any restrictions and fears†. My parents – not so much. The reason it sucked was that communism practically reversed everything that is natural to people as well as what Western civilization has established as rules and laws of democracy. Namely, in communism people were said to have been created the same, in terms of abilities, talents and intelligence, but in front of the law… well, some were more equal than others (go read your Orwell if you don't get this one).
-NO, WAS NOT A PART OF THE SOVIET UNION. Assholes.
-Is to become part of EU. Blah. Politics.
-Since the fall of communism has seen the encounter of a Wild West lawlessness with the free market of Adam Smith with bureaucracy of a very non-Weberian type (as if it exists anyway). We saw the rise of Christian democrats (HA!), the shameless revival of the socialists, and the birth of grass-roots neo-fascism mixed with the obscenity of populism.
-Has a large gypsy population. And none of them looks like Brad Pitt. No. They look like Borat's fellow villagers.
-Was the place where my family, while having their morning coffee, watched a man getting shot, across the street from the building they live in. Also, my father was recently given a laptop for repair with a bullet in the monitor. He was ecstatic.
-Has a bacterium named after it.
For the rest, why, check CIA's factbook.
* It's mostly song titles that come to my mind when I think of the blog title. I don't know, cannot think of anything original. But it makes sense in my head...
**Really random. Incomplete. Irrelevant.
† But for Ronald Reagan
Saturday, November 11, 2006
You'll stumble in my footsteps
Empathy. I have put empathy to be the only descriptive info in the "about me" section. Empathy being: the ability to walk in someone else's shoes. The other short piece of info accessible to the public (no matter of the public's lack of interest thereof) on this page is about my interests. It states me, followed by some elaboration to strengthen the point.
These are pretty much the issues that have been bothering me lately: the extent to which people are focused on themselves and their courage to venture into others' minds, motivations and feelings. The balance of taking care of your own well-being in the most intuitive way and the apprehension of the fact that your relationships are largely built upon your ability to understand and appreciate others' drives and experiences.
Empathy has been widely appreciated in management; simply put, you cannot manage people successfully without being able to see the world through their (collective) eyes (forget Henry Ford, he managed operations, not people). Empathy is not enough, but it is the foundation of dealing with people.
Empathy has been widely unappreciated in personal life. In personal life, it's about me. A you (he, she, they...) might come across BUT only as it relates to me. The way I see it, empathy in personal life and relationships might blow your mind. It would lead to a conflict of interests, choosing between your natural instinct to take care of yourself and the appreciation of another person's... uhmmm... existence is the word I'm looking for. Existence in your world.
I can go many ways from here, to the parent-child relationship, to friendship, to siblings' relationships, to intimate relationships. To symbiosis. Originally though, I wanted to talk about something much more generic, empathy towards fellow humans. I am not sure if I am not now entering the realm of Utopia; I am pretty sure though that being at least fair and respectful is an option in our attitudes towards other people. I know very well people are cognitive creatures building attitudes based on experiences. But, but, but! You can go two ways. You can either choose the high way of stereotyping (yep, it has been talked about and agreed upon the superiority of the approach), or my way - of at least sometimes trying to be respectful, open-minded, and fair. Just in general, towards people. You know, respectful as opposed to judgmental? Although being judgmental is so much fun, huh?
Once I had a conversation with a man that had spent years in self-torture (not physical, no) after a painful relationship-thingie experience. We were discussing something fairly mundane when he told me: "In most situations it doesn't matter what you do but how you do it. If you do it in a respectful way, even if people do not approve of your actions, you'll be able to keep a healthy relationship." Or make a graceful exit. After that discussion I've been constantly analyzing how my words and attitude might cause harm or pain. Or mild discomfort. In other words, I am trying to look at the results of my actions beyond my own being. I am trying to get this empathy thing going and since we judge about other people through our own reactions, I am trying to be compassionate of others' feelings. Sort of. Maybe. Still learning.
Or, you know what? Maybe I am going the wrong way. Maybe I am just ultra-super-sensitive about every stupid little thing that people say or do. Maybe other people don't care about such things, they don't get hurt by words. Maybe empathy is only a tool and sympathy - a waste of your emotional resources. Maybe apathy, stereotyping, judgmentalism (?????) ARE the way to go.
Unless it's your ass that gets kicked. Hurts.
These are pretty much the issues that have been bothering me lately: the extent to which people are focused on themselves and their courage to venture into others' minds, motivations and feelings. The balance of taking care of your own well-being in the most intuitive way and the apprehension of the fact that your relationships are largely built upon your ability to understand and appreciate others' drives and experiences.
Empathy has been widely appreciated in management; simply put, you cannot manage people successfully without being able to see the world through their (collective) eyes (forget Henry Ford, he managed operations, not people). Empathy is not enough, but it is the foundation of dealing with people.
Empathy has been widely unappreciated in personal life. In personal life, it's about me. A you (he, she, they...) might come across BUT only as it relates to me. The way I see it, empathy in personal life and relationships might blow your mind. It would lead to a conflict of interests, choosing between your natural instinct to take care of yourself and the appreciation of another person's... uhmmm... existence is the word I'm looking for. Existence in your world.
I can go many ways from here, to the parent-child relationship, to friendship, to siblings' relationships, to intimate relationships. To symbiosis. Originally though, I wanted to talk about something much more generic, empathy towards fellow humans. I am not sure if I am not now entering the realm of Utopia; I am pretty sure though that being at least fair and respectful is an option in our attitudes towards other people. I know very well people are cognitive creatures building attitudes based on experiences. But, but, but! You can go two ways. You can either choose the high way of stereotyping (yep, it has been talked about and agreed upon the superiority of the approach), or my way - of at least sometimes trying to be respectful, open-minded, and fair. Just in general, towards people. You know, respectful as opposed to judgmental? Although being judgmental is so much fun, huh?
Once I had a conversation with a man that had spent years in self-torture (not physical, no) after a painful relationship-thingie experience. We were discussing something fairly mundane when he told me: "In most situations it doesn't matter what you do but how you do it. If you do it in a respectful way, even if people do not approve of your actions, you'll be able to keep a healthy relationship." Or make a graceful exit. After that discussion I've been constantly analyzing how my words and attitude might cause harm or pain. Or mild discomfort. In other words, I am trying to look at the results of my actions beyond my own being. I am trying to get this empathy thing going and since we judge about other people through our own reactions, I am trying to be compassionate of others' feelings. Sort of. Maybe. Still learning.
Or, you know what? Maybe I am going the wrong way. Maybe I am just ultra-super-sensitive about every stupid little thing that people say or do. Maybe other people don't care about such things, they don't get hurt by words. Maybe empathy is only a tool and sympathy - a waste of your emotional resources. Maybe apathy, stereotyping, judgmentalism (?????) ARE the way to go.
Unless it's your ass that gets kicked. Hurts.
Friday, October 13, 2006
Don't call me daughter
Topics covered tonight:
-"What is loneliness but the reflection of taillights on wet asphalt."
-The darkness of central Maine is overwhelming.
-They're hippies because they can afford to be.
-I don't want to get old, ever. I don't think I am fit to be old; I don't think most people are. That's why they are so lame at it.
-No matter how much time and space you leave between yourself and your ghosts, you're still haunted. They are part of you and killing them will kill you.
Truth is, I'm pissed
-"What is loneliness but the reflection of taillights on wet asphalt."
-The darkness of central Maine is overwhelming.
-They're hippies because they can afford to be.
-I don't want to get old, ever. I don't think I am fit to be old; I don't think most people are. That's why they are so lame at it.
-No matter how much time and space you leave between yourself and your ghosts, you're still haunted. They are part of you and killing them will kill you.
Truth is, I'm pissed
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Gesundheit*
Shadows, who's afraid of shadows? I, for one, am. Hugely intimidated by the shadows of the past (and also, in the back alley... under my window... something's lurking in there). Memories can be terrifying, sure. Yes, I know they are relative; and, yes, I know they are part of who we, as individuals, are... Why would I be scared if they weren't?
But! I am even more intimidated by the idea that shadows from the past rise too often to haunt the present and the future, binary shadows rising from the digital veil of the discworld. Whoever said the world is getting smaller was damn right. Moreover, time is getting shorter; past is past no more and future never existed anyway. Past and present become one and unfortunately people are not only products of their past... We come with full-blooded public access resumes.
Technology is merely feeding the paranoya. Awesome as it is. The paranoya...
*This piece is an example of witch trial logic, see Monty Pithon and the Holy Grail for more info.
But! I am even more intimidated by the idea that shadows from the past rise too often to haunt the present and the future, binary shadows rising from the digital veil of the discworld. Whoever said the world is getting smaller was damn right. Moreover, time is getting shorter; past is past no more and future never existed anyway. Past and present become one and unfortunately people are not only products of their past... We come with full-blooded public access resumes.
Technology is merely feeding the paranoya. Awesome as it is. The paranoya...
*This piece is an example of witch trial logic, see Monty Pithon and the Holy Grail for more info.
Sunday, September 3, 2006
Have You Ever Seen The Rain?
Stereotype: n. a widely held but fixed and oversimplified image or idea of a particular type of person or thing: the stereotype of the woman as the carer | sexual and racial stereotypes.
Stereotypes, I am full of them. Stereotypes about countries and peoples, the sexes, professions, whatever. Traveling around this multi-dimentional country makes me realize how strong a foundation they have in my mind and how obtuse I am for giving in to them. It's easy, of course. Way easier than thinking. And it makes for a good joke.
Only when I am treated as a stereotype do I understand fully how painful and humiliating that can be. We laugh most of the time, right? We have to keep the good humour. But what if it's not a joke? What if it's a mean, bitter, even angry remark. A remark you don't feel you have provoked with your personal behaviour... A remark based on a stereotype about your gender, hair colour, political views, education... anything... that you see as fundamentally wrong and not relating to your personality even a tiny little bit. I cannot laugh.
It is possible that I care too much. But ignorance and closed-mindedness piss me off. And then I look into my head and see what a wealth of these traits I possess.
I'm not going anywhere with that.
Stereotypes, I am full of them. Stereotypes about countries and peoples, the sexes, professions, whatever. Traveling around this multi-dimentional country makes me realize how strong a foundation they have in my mind and how obtuse I am for giving in to them. It's easy, of course. Way easier than thinking. And it makes for a good joke.
Only when I am treated as a stereotype do I understand fully how painful and humiliating that can be. We laugh most of the time, right? We have to keep the good humour. But what if it's not a joke? What if it's a mean, bitter, even angry remark. A remark you don't feel you have provoked with your personal behaviour... A remark based on a stereotype about your gender, hair colour, political views, education... anything... that you see as fundamentally wrong and not relating to your personality even a tiny little bit. I cannot laugh.
It is possible that I care too much. But ignorance and closed-mindedness piss me off. And then I look into my head and see what a wealth of these traits I possess.
I'm not going anywhere with that.
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